Lisa Brookes Kift, MFTTherapy is not about your therapist “fixing” you. I sometimes joke with clients that if I had a magic wand, I could wave it and their challenges would disappear! This certainly would make therapy go faster, wouldn’t it? Alas, this is not the case. But it’s true that many come to therapy with some preconceived notions of what the process entails. One of the most common misunderstandings is that their therapist will give them advice.
“Just tell me what to do!”
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Generally, therapists are not trained to be advice givers but rather guides and holders of safe space for individuals and couples to do their own work. And there are plenty of very good reasons why your therapist will likely not give you advice.
Your therapist is not you.
As much as your therapist delves into the intricacies, characters and emotional waves of your life, they are not in your life. You share a sacred space together to do your work but he or she is not walking in your footsteps.
Your therapist is not wiser than you.
Another common misconception is that therapists lead perfectly emotionally healthy and relationally sound lives. Therapists are humans too and have similar challenges. Keep in mind it also can be much easier to guide another than see through your own forest. Yes, they likely know more than you about relationship dynamics, depression, anxiety, trauma and the impact of family of origin issues on people but they are not inherently wiser. You are also wise but may simply need help tapping into that inner wisdom.
Your therapist probably seeks to empower you.
Whatever obstacles have been standing in the way of you creating the positive change you seek, you are in therapy to identify and understand your blocks then move towards their resolution. The most powerful work happens when you meet all of those markers, your sense of self strengthening along the way. This road to personal empowerment can’t happen if the therapist gives you all of the answers or tells you what to do.
Advice giving is not therapy.
The work of psychotherapy involves training around the complexities of human behavior, need for emotional safety, brain science and many therapeutic modalities that therapists use in their toolbox. Some are loyal to one paradigm and others more eclectic. The bottom line is that it’s a journey taken together between therapist and client where trust is established in order for the deeper work to begin. It ideally is a catalyst for life long change.
If you’re in therapy or considering it and hoping to get advice, that’s ok! You’re not the only one. If I’m asked for advice, I refrain and try to empower them to their own conclusions which are ultimately more powerful and stand more chance for taking hold. Therapists have a unique vantage point in their intimate knowledge of their clients without actually being in their lives. They are trained to see seek to help you understand and create the whole picture, ultimately helping you to make the changes you seek.
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I offer telehealth services to residents of Ca., via California Online Therapy and Counseling. Though I cannot provide therapy to those outside of the state, I can offer others email emotional health and relationship consultations for specific questions, as a one time service.
