Lisa Brookes Kift, MFTMy boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and there is something that I recently learned about him that is still bothering me. He looks at porn when I am gone for a few days. He says that he only looks at it because he needs to relieve stress and that he thinks of me the entire time. I do trust him but he also told me that he used to look at porn a whole lot when he was single, which I guess is normal for guys, but to me looking at porn means that you are not happy with your sex life. Am I reasonable to get so irritated by his actions or should I try to be more understanding.
Lisa’s thoughts…
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Watching porn occasionally in and of itself is not problematic. When it becomes an issue is when it takes on an addictive nature and/or is used to replace real intimacy. It sounds like your boyfriend admits to occasional use while you’re gone as a release. If your sex life is good and he seems present and active, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. It’s actually common for people to assume it means the person isn’t happy sexually in their relationship. The reality is that a fantasy life is normal. It’s when people use it compulsively or as a replacement for real human connection that there may be a problem
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